I feel trapped in my own body today.
The backlash of accomplishing so much in so little time over last weekend is pain.
I assume this is the fibromyalgia; it must be. I’m told that normal people get over their aches and pains much quicker than this, so it must be the fibromyalgia. All that work I did on Friday and Saturday and here it is Tuesday and I feel just as sore if not more so.
My feet feel as if I have been standing on them non-stop for a week. There is no relief if I put heat or cold packs on them or if I put them up or let them dangle down. It doesn’t matter what shoes I wear or if I got barefoot. Just throbbing heels and right near the big toes. Sore to touch.
And my legs hurt worse just after I’ve walked anywhere, even if it’s just to the printer from my desk — that feels as if I have walked 5 miles. Sitting feels better, but they still ache as if I’ve been working out for days. Standing makes the muscles want to cramp as if I’ve been running for miles.
My lower back feels like I’ve been lifting heavy boxes like I’ve been moving house while I slept. Sharp pain right in the middle. For no real apparent reason. I didn’t do any real heavy lifting while on the cleaning spree.
My arms, oh, the upper arms feel all achy breaky, throbbing sore, like I’ve been carrying engineering textbooks around campus for six months non-stop. and my fingers all feel swollen, though they aren’t and the joints all scream with every bend. Even my palms hurt.
Of course, Tylenol does nothing to deaden any pain and I can’t take anything stronger while I’m at work. I can’t take Ibuprophen or Aleeve because of my IgAN (autoimmune kidney disease) so all I can do is suffer through the inflammation.
And last night, when I got home from work and taking Pugly to obedience school, I really wanted to fill the bird feeders and wash the dishes and continue on with my list of things to-do around the house or maybe do some knitting but the truth was that my body just couldn’t and wouldn’t and I felt it was betraying me, holding me back. I felt as if it weren’t for my body, I could do more and I felt frustrated and depressed and I felt as if I were letting myself down.
I just don’t know what to do to make things better. How do I organize my life so it’s not all or nothing, so I’m not cramming everything into a few days and then recuperating for a week or so afterwards? Is there a way to make the pain go away or at least lessen? Without anti-inflammatories?
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Small suggestion from a guy who is more lazy than anything, and sympathizes from that perspective (and some recent bouts with depression and anxiety). When you are feeling better and up to doing something, pick one or two tasks (ie - prioritize what needs doing), then do those, followed by rest. Hopefully, you won’t hurt so much that the next day, pick another one, or two, depending on how you feel. The idea is to take baby steps. Like that movie, “What About Bob?”. Strange, but, when coming from that perspective of feeling helpless about it and hurting/being depressed/being lazy, chipping away at it can start a slow upturn in emotions, rather than staying in a downward spiral.
K