The appointment with my GP yesterday afternoon went better than the one in the morning. I always feel better when I actually see her and not just her staff or a nurse practitioner. I’m just going to have to be more insistent about that in the future; I don’t care how busy she is. She was far more open-minded and understanding than the Rheumatologist, especially when I told her that I didn’t feel like I was getting the kind of care I felt I needed from him. I told her that I felt that his basic message to me was “Suck it up.”
Oh, yes, I get what he was saying about how we need to treat the depression and the sleep disorder and that will help the pain overall. I’m not stupid. I do understand the connection all of these things have to each other and how it’s easy to get caught in some sort of whirlpool drowning effect where the pain makes me more depressed which affects my sleep which causes more pain which makes me more depressed and so on… I got it and I told her all of that. However, I also said that I can’t foresee “sucking it up” if things continue as they are because things are only getting worse and not changing anything isn’t going to help matters as I see them. Certainly, I don’t see my depression getting better or my sleep improving if nothing is changed.
Granted, I’ve been trying to work on these things — I’m seeing a psychiatrist about the antidepressants not working, I’ve personally decided that my depression is not going to define me, and I’ve been focusing on getting my house clean and decluttered, which always seems like a struggle, like I’m behind, like it’s never-ending and overwhelming and there’s always more to do than what I’ve accomplished. So, it’s not like I’m not doing my part there.
I’ve also bought a new bed frame and even put it together and bought a new extra-soft mattress pad, which I put over my old egg-crate mattress pad thingy in an attempt to get a better sleep. I’ve been trying to go to bed earlier and attempting to use that light therapy and tried the melatonin, which I’ve been playing with the dosage again. So, I’m not even sitting around waiting for the stars to align on that subject either.
But I need help.
I don’t buy cheep shoes; I started over a year ago only investing in expensive shoes with good, supportive, soft soles because of the problems with my feet hurting. I can’t even go grocery shopping without feeling like I’ve walked all over Disney by the end and I’m dying to sit down; my feet are in agony at least the rest of the day. This has continuously gotten worse over the last year or so.
My fingers ache. I cannot hold them in any bent position very long. Forget curling around the steering wheel for a 30 minute commute, forget bending one to file the nail, forget holding a paper bag with my lunch stored in it…
If I lift my arm up to grab something or twist a light bulb out of its socket, searing pain shoots through the lowest part of the arm as if that is where all the blood has rushed to and gravity is yanking at it over and over.
And that’s just the beginnings…
I need help.
She was very understanding as I said. However, because I’m seeing the psychiatrist next week, she didn’t want to change up my meds too much, but we did discuss a muscle relaxant, which is much better than “suck it up.” She gave me a prescription for Flexeril, which she told me would make me very sleepy so I should only take it at night and I shouldn’t take my ambien when I did. The hope is that it will relax my muscles enough to give them a chance to stop hurting and give my body a chance to rest and maybe let me rest and heal.
So, I tried the Flexeril last night. It’s not as fast acting as the Ambien so I’ll have to take it around 8:30pm in the future so I can hopefully go to bed around 10pm. However, it really conked me out. I slept very well all night long and even though I had to get up at least once to groggily go downstairs and pee, which was kind of scary when you’re that groggy on those polished wood stairs, I went right back to sleep and felt no pain in the night. In fact, I didn’t start to notice any pain in my feet or hands for an hour or two after I got up. Now, that could just be the first night’s effects, which is sometimes the case, but I’m feeling hopeful, which is better than I was feeling after Dr. “Suck It Up”.
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Oh, I so hope that it continues working! At least you got a good night’s sleep.
I have had a couple Flexeril before - great stuff. Put with a little hydrocodone, and, man, I am flying. Granted, my back hurt so much that I could not sit, stand, or lay down comfortably (have no idea what I did to it). That stuff took care of the pain, and I was able to sleep. I would not recommend it as an every day thing, but, just some thoughts on the meds.
K