Last week, I came across Melonie Murray’s list of 13 things she believes every woman should know. I have to admit that I agree with her that every woman should know how to preform a self-breast exam, how to calmly and correctly deal with sexual harassment, how to write a resume, and especially how to have “me” time. I noticed she didn’t mention anything about having at least one class in self-defense or balancing your checkbook, but she thinks every woman should know how to clip coupons and mail in rebates, which sounds minimally sexist to me.
To me, the list is the worst kind of sexist stereotyping because it comes from inside our own ranks and it’s on a website that appears to be designed toward advising working women. There’s just such mixed messages.
She believes that every woman should know car maintenance and I’ve heard that one before. To be honest, I’m not fond of spending my time under my car or it’s hood and I don’t have the physical strength to do any of the major maintenance. I can add oil, water and windshield fluid, but I’m smart enough to take my Jeep to someone who was trained to do all of that stuff to do the rest. Plus, I value my time. I’d rather use my time to do the things I enjoy rather than struggle doing something I hate. And I know a lot of guys who feel the same way. So, I think while you should have the general know-how and perhaps at least have one of those adult ed night classes in it, I don’t feel that you should have to do it.
But the two items on her list that got me hopping mad were these:
How to:
- Hold, change, and feed a baby (even if you don’t have one, you may want to help a friend some day).
When to:
- Give an unruly child a “time-out” – or to take one yourself after dealing with an unruly client!
Here’s the thing, you would never automatically assume or expect a male friend to hold, change or feed your baby. Certainly you’d never expect anyone else to discipline your child. However, the cultural stereotype expects me as a woman to have that natural instinct and desire to want to step in and do so for my fellow motherly sisters. Mind you, I did the whole babysitting thing when I was a teenager and I have friends who have young children, but I am not a natural and I don’t have the motherly instinct. I just find children kind of intimidating and I don’t want to be blamed for anything going wrong later. Parents are so jumpy these days.
I also find it outrageous that in this day and age anyone would still assume that just because I have ovaries and breasts, I would and should want to hold, change, and feed someone else’s baby. And I resent that anyone would imply I am a less competent woman because I don’t wish to. I am not less of a woman or a friend because I neither want to change diapers or wipe up baby spit.
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Yeah, I’m with you on that. I’ve done the babysitting thing. I’ve changed plenty of diapers. Not something I want to do by any stretch of the imagination. I’ve fed and held my friends babies, but I definitely do not feel obligated to know parenting skills as a woman. I don’t like kids.
I would totally expect a man to hold, feed, and change a baby, but it ain’t rocket science anyway. On my list of things women should know, it’s not anywhere near the top. I love the one you did for today, which I am “stumbling.”
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