Thirteen Suggestions For The Sisterhood, 12th

1. First and foremost, love yourself. No matter what anyone else says or does to you, you are special and unique and worthy. Love yourself first. It’s not a matter of conceit and it’s not wrong. Loving yourself only makes you stronger, more beautiful, more special. Above all else, a love for oneself is one thing no one else can take away. Remember, Eleanor Roosevelt’s wise words: “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
2. You are a complete person. You do not need any man (or woman if the case may be) to “complete” you. We are not one half of an incomplete soul who is only whole when we are a pair. I love Jennifer Aniston’s line in Rumor Has It, ” I didn’t come here to tell you that I can’t live without you. I can live without you. I just don’t want to.” This is what women need to understand. We can live and survive on our own and we can be just as fulfilled and content on our own, but it’s a nice bonus when we find someone to share it with.
3. Be who you want. For some reason there’s a lot of pressure on women to fit into neat little stereotypes. There’s a lot of pressure from parents to live up to dreams and goals that have been set for their daughters and sometimes no one has bothered to ask the daughters. I fell into that category and I admit I bent to the pressure. My advice to you is to be who you want, to fight for it, to make your dreams come true. Every day now women are redefining the stereotypes and the norms; the glass ceiling is being cracked and chipped away. Now’s your time more than ever to be whoever you want.
4. Declare independence. I believe that every woman should spend at least a year living on her own without her parents or a boyfriend/husband type supporting her. This gives you the chance to learn about yourself, what rules you want to take with you from your parents home, how to balance a checkbook, how to manage life’s little quirks from bills to groceries to laundry to the unexpected. I know one woman in her 30’s who discovered there were more than 2 types of Hamburger Helper for the first time because she’d never been grocery shopping for herself and I know women in their 50’s who are single for the first time who’ve never had to balance a checkbook or take their car to get inspected. Give yourself a year to prepare yourself for what may come even if you think you’ll never need it.
5. Have a voice. Melinda Gates said, “A woman with a voice is by definition a strong woman.” Stand up for yourself, your needs, and your views. Don’t be afraid to make yourself heard. Ask questions. Vote. Protest. Speak your mind. Debate. Promote your skills at work and ask for a raise. Get a second opinion. Have your own opinion. Tell your husband you hate Monday Night Football. Find your strength in your voice.
6. Plan your future in pencil. Not everything is going to go as you plan. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t plan. It’s always good to have one, but you should be ready to be flexible in following it. Understand that there are going to be detours in your life’s path that you didn’t expect to take and sometimes they might seem like an unavoidable bad idea at the time, but somewhere down the line, you’re going to realize that the journey has been worth it.
7. Believe in something. Whether it’s a religion, a philosophy, an ideology, a way of life, or a truth, believe in something. Believe in something meaningful and let it give meaning to your life. Believe in something, but be open-minded enough to know that others have different beliefs that aren’t necessarily wrong either.
8. Protect yourself. I believe that every woman should take at least one class in self-defense. May you never need it, but the statistics on violence against women are not good. Even if you don’t know it, it’s extremely likely that some woman you know by name has been the victim of a crime against her, possibly a rape. Off the top of my head I can name three women I have known in my life who have been the victim of rape. Domestic violence is still very much a reality too. I can name at least two women I’ve known in my life who were the victims of abusive husbands. The fact is women are considered targets because they are considered weak, because they don’t fight back. I encourage every woman to take at least one class in self-defense for her own safety and her own strength.
9. Know thyself. It’s estimated that there will be over 178,000 new cases of and over 40,000 deaths from breast cancer in 2007 just counting women alone. Every woman should be able to preform a self breast exam. October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. With everything awash with pink ribbons, now is a good reminder to do it and if you don’t know how, then learn. The Susan G. Komen for the Cure site has a visual aid or you can visit your OB/GYN to ask for instruction.
10. Be adventurous. Try new things. Take a variety of classes from one day or night seminars to semester-long classes in cooking or wine tasting to learning a new hobby to learning how to speak a new language to the history of WWII. Take weekend trips to historical landmarks you’ve never been to before. Try new cuisines at least once. Smile at strangers while you wait for your morning Starbucks. “Every day do something that frightens you.” (Eleanor Roosevelt)
11. Be generous to yourself. So often, as women we are expected to be the caretakers of everyone else at home and at work. We’re often expected to hold it all together while everyone else is sick, needy, and desperate for attention. In this day and age, we are meant to be the ultimate wife, the super mom, the bestest friend, and the employee of the month who can do what a man can do and also do all of the office social organizing. Our days are filled with expectations made by other people and while most of the time, we’re o.k. with that because it’s the life we chose, it can be a little draining. That’s why it’s important to take time for yourself from time to time. Plan a spa day or some serious shoe shopping. Have a bubble bath with candles, soft music and the whole luxurious package. Treat yourself well.
12. Invest in a good bra. Finding the right bra for you is like finding the Holy Grail. I’m not kidding. 70 - 85% of women are wearing the wrong size and style of bra. It’s highly unlikely you are in the 15% that are doing it right. Make an appointment at one of those fancy shmancy lingerie stores where the sales clerk actually knows how to do a proper fitting and knows what she’s talking about. You’ve seen the kind of place you need to go to on What Not To Wear and Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style. I kid you not, when everything is supported in the right place, it’s a totally different feeling. All’s right with the world. Plus, it’s good for your posture, your figure, and your back.
13. Men are a mystery. No magazine or book promising to explain the difference between men and women is going to be able to satisfy your curiosity or frustration. Just give up on it. If men were easy to understand, there’d be no challenge to dating or marriage and life would quickly get boring. Think of it as life’s way of keeping things entertaining.

Please add your own pearls of wisdom in the comments or write your own lists on your own blogs and then share the link.

Link Love to other Thursday Thirteens!

• Nicholas, Wolfie, Heather, jennifer, Vixen, jenn, Lulu, Damozel, Sue, SJ Reidhead, Robin (you could be next!)