The director of our division has this major stick up his butt that all of us should expand our horizons. The rule he created two years ago was that we have to attend two classes/seminars/lectures/somethings that are not directly related to our work but are semi-related so that they will help us better understand or help expand our minds or something like that. What he really wants,without coming right out and saying it, is to force those of us in this IT department without clinical backgrounds to attend healthcare-related lectures/seminars/conventions/somethings and become more aware of medical things.
As the daughter of a nurse and having worked in healthcare IT now for over 10 years, I’m a big advocate for encouraging IT folks to understand the big picture; you know, that those names they see on the screens are real people and that when something goes wrong with a computer or a piece of software or a printer or a hub or the medicine dispenser or some other thing that has now become computerized thanks to technology, well, real people are affected. If an order doesn’t cross the interface, if a nurse can’t enter an allergy to strawberries before the diet orders are printed in the cafeteria, if a stat lab result doesn’t get back to the E.D. before the patient is taken to the O.R….these are bad things. The names and numbers are more than just names and numbers. I realize that many of our IT folks who’ve come straight from IT backgrounds don’t get that. I once worked with a DBA who went from working for Coca-Cola to working at a hospital and he didn’t understand why we couldn’t just bring down the whole system for a reboot in the middle of the day; he learned.
Half of our department is made up of folks who used to work as nurses and lab techs and various other medical-type roles. Interestingly, they think there’s better than those of us who have a straight IT background. Mind you, most of the college-trained IT folk aren’t all that impressed by the medical folk who walked off the nursing floors, went to a few training classes in their applications of choice and call themselves IT folk. So it goes both ways.
The Director is a “former” nurse, which is why he’s pushing this whole broaden your mind class thing. He really pushes going to hear the doctors talk about operations and the like. Not exactly my kind of thing.
I actually managed to get one of my class things taken care of in early December by attending a two-session HR training class on conflict management. At the time, I figured that GE was due a big tempertantrum any week or so and I might as well get some sort of training on how to deal with it so I could be prepared this time around. I think one of my classmates was there for the same exact reason actually.
At the time of the class, I wasn’t sure if the time was wasted or not — other than it got me credit for the Director’s two class thing. The trainer talked a lot about meditation and “centering yourself” and I’ve never really been good at either of those things. My head is too noisy; I worry about whether or not I’m doing the meditation thing right and even if I can forget about that, my thoughts go off in a hundred directions — it’s kind of like an Ellen Degeneres skit I once saw about falling asleep; you’re almost there and suddenly, “I like grapes!” pops loudly in your head and then a whole stream of thoughts runs through your mind about grapes and the things you can make with grapes and la la la la la…
However, I did kind of learn how to “center myself” in the class, but I promptly forgot it a week later.
Most importantly the class reminded me that I cannot control anyone but myself. Therefore, what’s important in a conflict is controlling my own reactions. When faced with a conflict, I should take a moment to “center myself” and if that means retreating, I should do that. I should determine what is the best reaction for me. More often than not, reacting negatively isn’t going to resolve anything. It’s better to respond passively
Of course, I forgot about all of this for a while, but a few weeks ago I found myself in one of those infuriating round-and-round email “discussions” with GE where he just accuses and attacks and I defend and explain and he never actually reads or accepts what I’m saying. Even when our new manager called him on the whole bit about pointing fingers, GE actually said he was very careful not to accuse anyone and then quoted himself doing just that.
It’s just that sort of illogic and childishness that bothers me. I just want to make him behave. My shrink says that it’s the injustice of the things he gets away with that nags at me and gets me going. She says I need to learn to ignore him; the reason I am usually the target of his attacks and the target of his accusations is because he knows he’ll get a rise out of me before he’ll get a rise out of anyone else. My need to correct the wrongs is what is feeding his bad behavior — like when you teach a dog bad behavior by giving it attention and thus rewarding it. She and I spent an hour discussing how I want to stop letting him annoy me in the future and what I need to do to let go of whatever it is that keeping me from turning him into white noise.
I am working on not replying to any of his emails unless absolutely necessary and then it’s only the facts. No explanations, no defense of what I’ve done. He’s not my boss. I don’t need his permission to do my job. Just “yes” and “no”.
I am working on doing the same in conversation. We have one or two meetings a week together. Then I only talk to him if he approaches me. I will not be asking him for technical advice. I have had as much training as he has. I even have an email from our boss that told a co-worker that we have the same amount of training but to go to me with questions as I have more experience. So, I don’t need him.
The week after I went to the HR class, I went to real training for my job — training that doesn’t count toward my Director’s rule, mind you. While on the plane looking through one of the multitude of catalogs I receive weekly, the bracelet at the left caught my eye. It reads “it is what it is”. Very simple statement and oh, so true. I’ve been thinking about the meaning of those five words since then. When things get tough, I try to remember them. I think the key to conflict, to solving the problems of life or at least accepting them, to enjoying life, are in those five words.
(I have that bracelet on my wishlist; I think the Pug and the cats might be getting it for me for Christmas. 
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Hey, it is what it is.
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