Of all the things that drive men to sea, the most common disaster, I've come to learn, is women.
-- Charles Johnson, Middle Passage

Tag: iPod

Thirteen Things Not To Do, Say, Or Wear On A Plane, 22nd

Since I’m leaving this Friday for the Christmas holiday, I thought it was appropriate to look back over the last 6 years at some of the ludicrousness that has resulted from the paranoia born of 9/11. Some fear is good, just enough too keep us aware and alive, but some common sense and sanity should also be applied.

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Thirteen Things about J. Lynne

  1. This poor guy accidentally dropped his iPod in the toilet of an airplane and even after he shamefully admitted to his clumsiness, the plane had to make an emergency landing, the passengers were submitted to questioning by customs while the plane was searched for bombs, and he was treated like a terrorist, including having his laptop searched for child porn and hate propaganda by Canadian law enforcement.
  2. Raed Jarrar, an Arab human rights activist, was prevented from boarding a plane at Kennedy Airport while wearing a T-shirt that read, “We will not be silent” in English and Arabic. One official told him, “Going to an airport with a T-shirt in Arabic script is like going to a bank and wearing a T-shirt that says, ‘I’m a robber.”‘ Jarrar is half-Iraqi and half-Pakastani and now lives in the U.S. The slogan “We will not be silent” has been adopted by opponents of the Iraq war. In the end, he was allowed to board but he had to give up his seat at the front of the plane and sit in the rear because he refused to change the shirt or turn it inside out.
  3. Six Imans (Muslim leaders) were removed from a US Airways flight after other passengers became suspicious of their behavior prior to boarding the plane. Suffice it to say, you should not be seen praying to God or Allah right before you allow yourself to be thrust into the sky in a tin can.
  4. Allen Jasson, an anti-war protester, flying between London and Melbourne, had repeated problems with airlines and security denying him access due to his t-shirt that declared President George W. Bush as the World’s #1 Terrorist. In the end, he decided to stand up for free speech, insisting that the airline that left him stranded in Melbourne pay for his trip home dressed in that t-shirt.
  5. MIT student Star Simpson was arrested at Logan International Airport when she entered wearing a computer circuit board and wiring on her sweatshirt. Authorities called it a fake bomb, but she called it art. If you remember, Boston was the city that over-reacted to that “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” ad campaign and shut down the city. They have no sense of humor there.
  6. The Portland Jetport’s Baggage Claim had to be shut down for six hours and the hazardous materials team called out when a white powder was discovered on a luggage carousel. It turned out to be sugar cookie mix.
  7. Architect Seth Stein was returning from a nice vacation where he’d managed to get a nice tan, something many of us aspire to on vacation, little did he know that his tan, combined with his need to use the airplane toilet and use of an iPod added up to suspicious behavior in the minds of some of his fellow passengers. To his horror, one over-zealous passenger, who claimed to be a police officer, actually assaulted him, grabbing him from behind and putting him in a head lockStein was furious that the airline staff did nothing to help him or protect him from the attack; it was only after the assaulter was told that the pilot had run a security check on Mr. Stein and that he was O.K. that the stranger reluctantly returned to his own seat. As a vacationer who uses her iPod on the plane and frequently needs to visit the airplane toilet, I’m going to really work at not making it look suspicious at all. Though I’m not sure how exactly to do that.
  8. In August of 2006, everything about airport security changed. We were told that terrorists planned to use liquid components to build bombs to explode planes. Immediately and without warning, airport security began confiscating anything remotely liquid — water bottles, coffee, wine, soda, baby formula, medication, liquid make-up, lipstick, gel bras, hair gel, and so on. Airport security couldn’t even be bothered to pretend the danger was truly serious or real; they tossed all of the potentially volatile liquids into the same trashcan right there next to everyone in the security line. Had there been true concern of chemical danger, surely some care would have been taken to dispose of the items safely. Instead, each airport created its own toxic waste concoction, wasted $100s or perhaps $1000s of paying customers hard-earned money on items they either needed or at least wanted, and created massive chaos and huge time-wasting lines in a big pretend show of how we’re being made more secure.
  9. Bernice “Bea” Bogart, an 83 year old breast cancer survivor and wheelchair-bound since 1999, suffered from dementia due to a stroke she had in 2004; she had a doctor’s note saying she had a metal hip replacement and she couldn’t stand without a cane or walker. Really, who could suspect this little old woman of anything wicked? However, the Denver International Airport TSA staff thought differently. They forced her daughter to sit across the room and watch as they brought the woman into a special screening area, made her stand and walk, lifted her arms after she couldn’t do so herself and searched her. Her daughter wondered if they thought Bea had a bomb in her Depends.
  10. Don’t even joke about bombs in the airport or on an airplane. No one thinks it’s funny. One Lebanese man jokingly told the stewardess that his bag had a bomb in it when she tried to stow it, she told the pilot, who decided to return to the airport, where the plane was searched and the man was arrested.
  11. Don’t get into a cat fight on board a moving plane. This plane had to be diverted to JFK because of an altercation between three women. Really, all that does is make that flight late and probably upsets the precarious balance of incoming and outgoing flights too.
  12. Don’t leave your things on the plane when you leave. This Air Canada plane had to make an emergency landing when they discovered a package that didn’t belong to anyone on board. It turned out to be harmless, but you never know. It might have been exploding hair gel.
  13. The three t-shirts I won’t be wearing on my flight to New Mexico tomorrow:
    • “I am the bad guy”
    • “I am a photographer, not a terrorist”
    • The one with the U.S. Constitution printed on the front and in big red stamped letters across it “VOID where prohibited by law”

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Published:
20 Dec 2007 / 03:32 PM
Category:
Politicking, Thursday Thirteen
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Help! Napping Not Allowed!

Oy. For some reason today my body is so sleepy that my eyes keep crossing as I try to keep them open.

I don’t know what the deal is. I slept well last night; heck, I even fell asleep in the middle of Journeyman – thank goodness I tape it! I’m dying to know if he saves the kid and prevents him from growing up to be a bad guy who kidnaps little girls and then comes after him and his family. Easter MigraineYet, I keep yawning and doing that groggy head bob thing and my body would like to curl up anywhere and take a nap right now. I am dangerously close to falling asleep at my desk and causing some sort of keyboard-to-forehead injury to myself. Diet Pepsi and music from the iPod (set to the new holiday mix playlist)– not helping. I may go looking for something crunchy to snack on in a bit.

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27 Nov 2007 / 12:28 PM
Category:
Life, T.V. Brain Drain
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Download Discontent

I finished listening to Salem’s Lot via audio-book on Thursday and since then I’ve been hunting for something to fill the void for my commute. I hate driving but discovering audio-books has made it bearable these last few months. In fact, the last two books — Land of Lincoln and Salem’s Lot — actually had me looking forward to the commute, anxious to find out what was going to happen next. So, now I’m ready for something new and I checked my “To Read” list.

That is where the frustration began. Ninety-five percent of the books on my list do not even have audio-book versions and the ones that do only have abridged versions. Why would anyone want an abridged version of a book? I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t want to get the whole story, wouldn’t want to relish every morsel the author has carefully chosen. To me, it’s like watching the Harry Potter movies that have been chopped up for time’s sake but in my opinion they’ve left out important information and clues that J. K. Rowling meant for us to dwell on. There wasn’t a single scene in her books that wasn’t carefully crafted to share something important about the story not just of that particular book but the entire story arc of the seven books. I hated that the movie version of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire completely left out Dobby and the house elves, but particularly Dobby. To me, you lose something in an abridged version of a book so I can’t understand why anyone would want to read or listen to one.

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Published:
12 Nov 2007 / 06:04 PM
Category:
Book Talk, Ramblings, T.V. Brain Drain
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Feeling Accomplished

When I left work on Thursday, knowing that I had to take a vacation day on Friday to wait for the cable repair guy (who by the way didn’t show up until Saturday), I made a deal with myself. I made an intensive to-do list and told myself that I wasn’t getting a slouch day just because I wasn’t going to work; plus I promised myself that if I got everything on the list done this weekend, I would buy myself a brand new 30G iPod — something I’ve been wanting but couldn’t justify buying myself.

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Published:
13 Aug 2007 / 10:52 AM
Category:
Life, Photo Blogging
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