Thirteen Seconds In New Mexico, 23rd

Thirteen Things about J. Lynne My Parents’ Backyard: Mogollon, NM: From a Speeding Truck:

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Thirteen Things Not To Do, Say, Or Wear On A Plane, 22nd

Since I’m leaving this Friday for the Christmas holiday, I thought it was appropriate to look back over the last 6 years at some of the ludicrousness that has resulted from the paranoia born of 9/11. Some fear is good, just enough too keep us aware and alive, but some common sense and sanity should also be applied.

Thirteen Things about J. Lynne This poor guy accidentally dropped his iPod in the toilet of an airplane and even after he shamefully admitted to his clumsiness, the plane had to make an emergency landing, the passengers were submitted to questioning by customs while the plane was searched for bombs, and he was treated like a terrorist, including having his laptop searched for child porn and hate propaganda by Canadian law enforcement. Raed Jarrar, an Arab human rights activist, was prevented from boarding a plane at Kennedy Airport while wearing a T-shirt that read, “We will not be silent” in English and Arabic. One official told him, “Going to an airport with a T-shirt in Arabic script is like going to a bank and wearing a T-shirt that says, ‘I’m a robber.”‘ Jarrar is half-Iraqi and half-Pakastani and now lives in the U.S. The slogan “We will not be silent” has been adopted by opponents of the Iraq war. In the end, he was allowed to board but he had to give up his seat at the front of the plane and sit in the rear because he refused to change the shirt or turn it inside out. Six Imans (Muslim leaders) were removed from a US Airways flight after other passengers became suspicious of their behavior prior to boarding the plane. Suffice it to say, you should not be seen praying to God or Allah right before you allow yourself to be thrust into the sky in a tin can. Allen Jasson, an anti-war protester, flying between London and Melbourne, had repeated problems with airlines and security denying him access due to his t-shirt that declared President George W. Bush as the World’s #1 Terrorist. In the end, he decided to stand up for free speech, insisting that the airline that left him stranded in Melbourne pay for his trip home dressed in that t-shirt. MIT student Star Simpson was arrested at Logan International Airport when she entered wearing a computer circuit board and wiring on her sweatshirt. Authorities called it a fake bomb, but she called it art. If you remember, Boston was the city that over-reacted to that “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” ad campaign and shut down the city. They have no sense of humor there. The Portland Jetport’s Baggage Claim had to be shut down for six hours and the hazardous materials team called out when a white powder was discovered on a luggage carousel. It turned out to be sugar cookie mix. Architect Seth Stein was returning from a nice vacation where he’d managed to get a nice tan, something many of us aspire to on vacation, little did he know that his tan, combined with his need to use the airplane toilet and use of an iPod added up to suspicious behavior in the minds of some of his fellow passengers. To his horror, one over-zealous passenger, who claimed to be a police officer, actually assaulted him, grabbing him from behind and putting him in a head lockStein was furious that the airline staff did nothing to help him or protect him from the attack; it was only after the assaulter was told that the pilot had run a security check on Mr. Stein and that he was O.K. that the stranger reluctantly returned to his own seat. As a vacationer who uses her iPod on the plane and frequently needs to visit the airplane toilet, I’m going to really work at not making it look suspicious at all. Though I’m not sure how exactly to do that. In August of 2006, everything about airport security changed. We were told that terrorists planned to use liquid components to build bombs to explode planes. Immediately and without warning, airport security began confiscating anything remotely liquid — water bottles, coffee, wine, soda, baby formula, medication, liquid make-up, lipstick, gel bras, hair gel, and so on. Airport security couldn’t even be bothered to pretend the danger was truly serious or real; they tossed all of the potentially volatile liquids into the same trashcan right there next to everyone in the security line. Had there been true concern of chemical danger, surely some care would have been taken to dispose of the items safely. Instead, each airport created its own toxic waste concoction, wasted $100s or perhaps $1000s of paying customers hard-earned money on items they either needed or at least wanted, and created massive chaos and huge time-wasting lines in a big pretend show of how we’re being made more secure. Bernice “Bea” Bogart, an 83 year old breast cancer survivor and wheelchair-bound since 1999, suffered from dementia due to a stroke she had in 2004; she had a doctor’s note saying she had a metal hip replacement and she couldn’t stand without a cane or walker. Really, who could suspect this little old woman of anything wicked? However, the Denver International Airport TSA staff thought differently. They forced her daughter to sit across the room and watch as they brought the woman into a special screening area, made her stand and walk, lifted her arms after she couldn’t do so herself and searched her. Her daughter wondered if they thought Bea had a bomb in her Depends. Don’t even joke about bombs in the airport or on an airplane. No one thinks it’s funny. One Lebanese man jokingly told the stewardess that his bag had a bomb in it when she tried to stow it, she told the pilot, who decided to return to the airport, where the plane was searched and the man was arrested. Don’t get into a cat fight on board a moving plane. This plane had to be diverted to JFK because of an altercation between three women. Really, all that does is make that flight late and probably upsets the precarious balance of incoming and outgoing flights too. Don’t leave your things on the plane when you leave. This Air Canada plane had to make an emergency landing when they discovered a package that didn’t belong to anyone on board. It turned out to be harmless, but you never know. It might have been exploding hair gel. The three t-shirts I won’t be wearing on my flight to New Mexico tomorrow: “I am the bad guy” “I am a photographer, not a terrorist” The one with the U.S. Constitution printed on the front and in big red stamped letters across it “VOID where prohibited by law”

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Thirteen Things I Buy Before A Trip, 21rst

As I prepare for my annual holiday vacation to New Mexico to see my parents and grandmother, I once again find there’s a lot of prep work to be done, especially with all of the new and improved security measures at the airports. I mean, a lot of thought has to be put into what to pack and how to pack it. For example, I can’t carry my make-up on the plane anymore because of the liquid rules. Serious thought has to be made about whether or not to bring my protein powder and if so, how to store it — surely not in a Ziploc plastic bag where it might be considered an illegal drug or Anthrax, but I also don’t want to bring the whole huge labeled container. With limits on what you can carry on the plane now, I’m restricted to my dog carrier and my laptop case, so I can’t carry a purse, but the airlines are famous for losing my luggage so I have to figure out how to fit my long list and large collection of large bottles of medications into those two containers.

And on and on it goes.

But also, before every trip, I find I have a list of items I have to purchase. It’s not just the airline ticket and souvenirs that add to the cost of the trip, but the items you need to make the trip in the first place. You know what I mean.

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Thirteen Geeky Knitting Projects, 20th

(I was going to write this last night while watching an hour of Friends reruns but a bizarre issue with the Bad Behavior Wordpress plugin and some blacklisting site kept me from uploading and then accessing my own account from my own computer. But it took me 4½ hours to figure out that because the error said that my computer had been sending out spam mail and that was why I was blacklisted and that if I had any questions I could email the web admin and gave my own email address to contact. So, I updated my McAffee and installed Google’s free Spy Doctor and ran both and came up clean, which I knew I would because I am an IT geek who obsesses about that sort of thing. Finally at 11:30pm a new link showed up in my Google search for answers. Someone had just posted an hour before on the Wordpress.org forum that they also couldn’t get into their site with the same error and someone had replied with a link to the Bad Behavior Blog which explained what happened. Grrrrrrrrr! Wasted my whole Wednesday night.

And then today after I spent forever writing this up, my server went down and I couldn’t save it…for over an hour.)

Whenever I start a new hobby, I go a little overboard searching for future possible projects. The nice thing about knitting as opposed to counted cross-stitch, which I did through my 20’s, is that there are a lot of free patterns out there on the Internet and a lot of people who are willing to share their ideas. Plus, as it turns out, there are also a lot of geeky guys and gals just like me who have merged the hobby with their eccentric personalities. Some of these made me laugh out loud. Some of them are just too fun to resist.

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Clearly Thursday Thirteen Derailed

As you can see, there was no Thursday Thirteen here this week.  I started working on something clever and enlightening to offer up too.  However, my life has been derailed this week by some sort of stomach virus.  I will spare you the icky details.  I didn’t even go to work yesterday and from Wednesday evening through today I didn’t even have the energy to read or knit or enjoy not going to work in anyway.

Thursday Thirteen will return at it’s regularly scheduled time next week, in the meantime, check out the lovely folks who actually participated this week.

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Thirteen Discombobulated Thoughts About Thanksgiving, 19th

Thirteen Things about J. Lynne Remember when The Wizard of Oz was traditionally shown the night of Thanksgiving? The first Thanksgiving I spent on my own, I ate a meal prepared by Piccadilly Cafeteria and watched the whole first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It was the first time I realized I enjoyed spending most of Thanksgiving on my own. My mother and I disagree on who makes the best Thanksgiving Turkey, but she currently holds the title by default since my kidney disease diagnosis has forced me to become a pescetarian and thus I am having Tofurkey for Thanksgiving this year. Previously, my traditional Thanksgiving meal when I am hostess has been Roast Turkey Breast with Apple Gravy, Cran-Apple Sweet Potato Bake, steamed green beans with almonds, cranberry sauce, salad, pumpkin pie, and upside down apple pie. The key to a perfect turkey is a clay turkey baker with clay top. No basting is necessary. The clay top will cause the turkey to continually baste itself. Today I’m having a roast tofurkey with roasted butternut squash, carrots, and mushrooms with vegetarian stuffing, cranberry dumplings, feaux giblet gravy, steamed green beans with almonds, pumpkin pie, and apple pie. The roast tofurkey is actually pretty good; I think it tastes a lot like turkey and has a good texture. I wish I could find feaux chicken breasts like that. Oh, and by the way, though George Washington tried to create Thanksgiving during his presidency, it was my favorite president, Lincoln, who made it a federal holiday in 1863. Every year since I moved from New Orleans, I always miss PW on Thanksgiving, having become accustomed to spending it with her; I think it’s very sweet that her in-laws in England make a big deal and celebrate Thanksgiving for her. Still I miss sharing the meal with her. For many years, I was forced to make and bring homemade mac & cheese to Thanksgiving because apparently I made it best. Everyone was always asking for my recipe. You will not find a copy of said recipe in my house or on any webpage I own now. I do not like homemade mac & cheese and thus have conveniently “forgotten” the recipe. I’ve never understood the popularity of the green bean casserole either. When I was a child, my mother always made us dress up for Thanksgiving dinner and sometimes we had to have dinner in courses. Today, I’m having dinner in my PJs. Special Thanks to… damozel, Tina Kubala, Linda R. Moore, nicholas, Robin (you could be next!)

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Thirteen Things About My Pug, 18th

We always had a family dog while I was growing up, but he was never just my dog, especially when my great grandmother moved in while I was in high school and she literally stole the love of the family dog by bribing him with food and treats. When I moved out on my own, I had cats, because I always felt that cats were better suited to apartment life. Dogs, I feel, need yards to play in.

So that’s how I came to have two beautiful but insane cats. I love them, but it’s clear that their fondness for me revolves around the food and water dishes and the cleanliness of the litter pan. There’s definitely qualifiers and if I fail to meet them, there’s 4 a.m. cat torture techniques.

Last year, before I bought my house, I could wait no more. For my 35th birthday, the cats gave me a little Pug puppy. I don’t think the cats are too happy with their choice of present. Oh, well. There is just something about a puppy who bonds with you with unquestioning love. He’s my baby, my best friend, and I spoil him rotten because he brings me endless hours of amusement and enjoyment.

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Thirteen Reasons My Mother Thinks I’m The Queen Of Unlucky Fliers, 16th

I used to be terrified of flying. They used to have to pump me up with tranquilizers to get me on the airplane. Just the very thought of being in a tin can flinging itself all of those miles above the ground seemed very wrong to me. My mother used to say that if God had meant for us to wear pierced earrings, he would have made sure we’d been born with holes in our ears; well, I figured with the same logic that if God had meant for us to fly through the air like birds, then he would have made sure we were born with wings or jet packs or something similar.

However, for some bizarre reason, all of that changed after 9/11. Whereas more people developed phobias of flying, I have overcome mine. I believe it’s because the airport experience has become a thousand times more stressful since 9/11. I’m way too stressed out dealing with everything involved with the actual travel experience to worry about crashing and dying a fiery death now. However, since 9/11, I have had a series of very unfortunate experiences traveling, which has caused many of my family and friends to feel that I am unlucky to travel with. My mother herself considers me the unluckiest of fliers.

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Thirteen Superstitions, 15th

Well, since this is the Thursday before Halloween, I decided to at least go with the theme. I thought this was going to be an easy one since I knew I had The Encyclopedia of Superstitions sitting on my shelf amongst my writing reference books. I thought I’d just be able to pick and choose a few to write about and I’d be done in one rerun of Friends. I should have known I’d get caught up reading and picking and choosing all sorts of odd tidbits. I should have known that it would take me over two and a half hours and that my two cats (one of which is black, by the way) and my Pug would be frustrated by the neglect which I now need to make up for with salmon-flavored bribes. Anyway, I learned some cool stuff, I hope you do as well.

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Thirteen Possibly Obscure Facts About Abraham Lincoln, 14th

I’ve often said that President Abraham Lincoln is one of my heroes. That’s not really always a popular choice for a Southerner, where some people still consider him a war criminal. (True to my Southern roots, I also think Robert E. Lee and Jefferson Davis were incredibly great men too — Hey, I’ve read my history.)

However, my admiration of Lincoln comes from a deeper place. A feeling that he was a truly special man because, clearly from what historians can piece together he suffered from some sort of mental illness, probably a severe form of depression, which I can relate too; yet, in the most traumatic, chaotic crisis our country has ever faced, he was a strong leader, often labeled the greatest President in the history in United States history, and he did what was needed to keep the country together because he thought it was the right thing to do.

I admit, I’ve been doing some “reading” (via audiobook) and some Internet research lately trying to separate the man from the overblown demi-god myth. I’ve discovered some interesting facts about Lincoln and I’ve decided to share them as this week’s Thursday Thirteen.

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